A New Year as a parent of autistic teens

Both my boys are now teenagers.  Despite David being really small for his age, which we've often suspected is due to his restricted diet, he's now as tall as me.  Anthony is much taller and with a current special interest in health and fitness, he's also a lot stronger.  He can do 100 pull-ups without much difficulty... I can't do one ha ha!

In fact, I often feel like I'm last person to be considered in anything. I couldn't think of anything I'd want as an actual physical gift for Christmas, I struggle to think about what hobby I'd like to do (like I have the time for that). But I think possibly I have to recognise there is more to me and that things move on.

So going into the new year what might I consider sharing?

Other parents see and recognise our strength

It’s common for parents of autistic and ADHD kids to assume that others feel irritated by their presence, or at least tolerate them simply because being rude isn’t the correct thing to do. You may find yourself apologising or being more hard-headed for obvious reasons, and yes, it’s true that some people are simply unaware, don't understand or just having a day that can't cope with a kid screaming in the cafe. 

However, what we often miss as such parents is how many people, adults or otherwise, recognise and appreciate our strength, see the work we’re doing, and really feel inspired by it. You’re unlikely to flatter yourself with that notion of course, but let us be clear - many, many people see the efforts we go to and are thinking of quiet respect and admiration for you, not pity or distaste.  

And as a community, special needs parents have the upmost respect for each other.   We become radars for kids like ours and are right there with you emotionally if not physically when something is not... going according to plan shall we say.  We are amazing and that is important to recognise.  We even have our own awards. 

Recognising my own victories 

I have my own strengths and abilities.  I've been teaching in colleges and schools for years and in this coming year I might actually get around to having the associated qualification for that.  This is an achievement that will help me in the future and one I have pursued myself. 

I have long considered that I may be autistic or have ADHD.  I've never been diagnosed like from The ADHD & Autism Clinic but I've come to recognise that I probably have ADHD and I excel and do best when I lean into this.  I can also feel a sense of achievement when I combat something I might otherwise put off.  I still grow as a person and this is a victory too. 

Anthony started College this year and is doing well...David eats a new protein cereal at breakfast which is amazing! These victories are also mine and that's an important recognition for oneself. 

Life changes

Many parents, especially parents of children with autism, can feel a lack of progress and a monotony.  But things can and do change.  All my kids are different and they are all developing at their own pace. That might involve a shift in their special interest, in the support they need, or even the skills they learn thanks to your diligent effort, such as more easily learning how to cope with frustration. 

It’s easy as a parent of a special needs child to assume there’s an endless now you have to deal with, but circumstances can change quickly, and cherishing every moment is important.  Like the day we finally discovered a protein cereal David would eat, or the day we discovered he loved zip lining.   

Maybe I've learned to be embraced by life we must first try to embrace it. Even if it's small at first.  I think it was Confucius who said that is does not matter how slowly you go, just that you are going.   But maybe Tesco have this one better though ... 'Every little helps'?