Five everyday places to understand autistic kids and their families

My kids and my family don't always act as you would expect.  Sometimes what we do seems odd or weird.  Like David was at the beach this summer, his actions can seem disruptive, but they are often just misunderstood.  Here's a few more places that people can make a difference to my kids' day by just showing some understanding.

#1. In a restaurant
If you work or are a patron in a restaurant, you might come across a family like mine. My kids can behave differently to other customers. For a start, they may not be fascinated by the quality of the food - David is more likely to eat the free bread in the bread basket than any meal in front of him.  He might just spend time playing on an iPad.  It might seem rude at first but it is his way of dealing with stressful situations.

As a waiter, maître d’or customer it would be great if you could understand that their different behaviour is not a criticism of the food, you, the restaurant or even bad behaviour and disrespect. We went to a restaurant in Les Bossons this week, and the friendly waiter smiled and serviced our iPad playing son beautifully. He got it - we are just family trying their best to enjoy a meal out together.

#2. In a school
Most mainstream schools have children with additional needs in them.  In fact, most classes will have at least one child in them with what's called an EHCP or a Statement of Special Educational Needs. Others in the same class can need extra educational or emotional support that is delivered by the school.

The school may have a counselling service to offer – teachers can even take an online school counselor degree to understand how to help. It’s essential for their personal growth and for the school performance that kids like mine and many others can receive social attention when they need it most. If you are visiting a school or perhaps even picking up your kids, it would be great if you could have some understanding that some actions of the other kids aren't 'bad' and it's perhaps them just trying to cope. After all they've been jumping through hoops they don't understand all day.

#3. In a shop
Sometimes it's the tiniest of things that make life for a family like mine easier.  It's ok if my son needs to open the pack of chocolate buttons before we get to the till in a shop.  He doesn't understand that if he has something in his hand he can't eat it.  To him it's like a cruel trick.  He's dealing with so much in the shop already; the cold freezer, loud tannoy and till and bright lights are sending his senses into overload. Some understanding for his squeals, jumps and chocolate eating will help us get through the shop, through the car park and back home safely.

I once saw an article about a teenager who worked in a shop and spotted an elderly gentleman and decided to help him carry his shopping bag back home. The friendly teen accompanied the 95-year-old man home, holding his hand on one side and his carrier bag in the other. This spontaneous act of kindness was prompted by the young man worrying about the elderly gentleman. It was a beautiful example of human nature, but it needn't be that far to help.

People with autism can need a bit more time to respond to information. It may take more time to count out money or work through the chip and pin machine.  If you are working at the shop or in the queue, it's ok the wait sometimes, we really appreciate it.

#4. At the playground
My kids may not play the same as the other kids.  David loves the spinner and will be on it for hours if we let him.  However, he doesn't understand when he is approached by another child that they may wish a turn.  You'll probably see me standing by to help him 'share' equipment but if it takes him a few minutes to get a response that's expected, don't worry, he is trying his best.

And if he looks a bit big for the baby swing.. he is.  But it's ok too.  We've had some beautiful moments in the playground, and all of them founded on understanding, a lack of prejudice and simple kindness.

#5. At a hairdressing salon
Hairdressers have a hard job to cut hair for a variety of people. Young children – autistic or not – do require special care as they rarely have the patience to sit quietly through an entire cut.  We've tried everything for David - we even went to a place where the kids had their haircuts done whilst sitting in seats shaped like cars.  But the whole experience can be too much.

Me Too and Co offer haircuts for kids with additional needs in their play room - it's no surprise it's always busy.  This Irish hairdresser understands the importance of a peaceful spot for his autistic clients.  He doesn’t hesitate to follow a teen with autism into the car to finish the haircut. The result? No drama and a satisfied family.

The other customers may think it a little odd but there's no need to. This hairdresser going the extra mile could make someone’s day a little smoother.  This kind of business would get my business all the time.

This is just a few places, but truth is we find doing many simple daily things a challenge. Many families and people do and a bit of understanding or support for whatever their potential circumstance could make a big difference to their day.

So wherever you are going to today, if someone is acting a little unusual or taking a bit more time than you would like to do something, take a breath, they may just be coping and hoping you'll understand. xxx