Thank you little girls

Performance has always been difficult for Anthony. The pressure of a spectacle, the potential of failure and the large number of people are a lot to cope with. We've always been very proud of Anthony's effort to participate in his class performances but I've noted that it's not only his increased ability to cope with summer concerts and plays that gives me hope for his future. It's the actions of the other children too.

Anthony's difficulties with performance stem from the various aspects of his conditions. Like most people with autistic spectrum disorder (ASD), Anthony can see the world as a mass of people, places and events which he struggles to make sense of, and which can cause him anxiety. Like many other people with autism, Anthony copes using routine and is concerned by changes to this. He can be worried about making mistakes to the point of not being able to move on, sometimes grieving over mistakes or decisions months later. Social situations, people and being in the spotlight can make him uneasy.

In addition to this, Anthony has sensory processing difficulties meaning he could be caught out by loud noises, bright lights or being uncomfortable on a wooden bench. Anthony also has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He struggles to pay attention and can't stand or sit still for anything longer than a few minutes.

He's on some medication now which makes it easier to focus but doesn't stop him needing to move about. Given all this, it's easy to see why participating in a 30-45 minute performance at school is a challenge for him. He has taken part in all the class performances since starting at school and to our delight has become more comfortable with this over time.

During this year's school summer concert, Anthony went onto stage with his whole class to sing a song about the sunshine. Despite knowing all the words to all the songs and being able to sing them on his own, whether that be in the car or whilst jumping on the trampoline, it's too much for Anthony to think about to join in during the actual concert. We were delighted to see him join in all the actions and could see his enjoyment in the participation.

The song finished and a few members of his class played out a short dialogue at the front of the stage. Anthony started to fidget a little and started to look around for something else to focus on. The children finished their dialogue and the class started to walk in lines off the stage. Anthony looked about, unsure of which way to go or follow and that's when it happened. One of the last girls on the stage turned to follow the line. On her way she gently took hold of Anthony's hand and carefully led him off stage. Thank you little girl.

Last week was Anthony's class assembly. The whole school and parents of Anthony's class watch as they report via songs, examples and stories on what the class have been doing during the term. Anthony had two lines. One he knew very well and the second he found a bit more difficult. He made a little mistake in his second line and we were very proud to see how he was able to cope with this and correct his error without becoming upset. A few years ago, he would have really struggled with this incident.

Towards the end of this performance, all the children held up identical models they had made during the course of the term. Anthony, having completed his solo parts, had by this point lost a bit of focus and was looking around, a bit panicky as all the children started to do something. But the little girl who sat next him picked up his model and gave it to him. She then gestured to Anthony to hold it up and he did. Thank you little girl.

These two little girls give me hope.

Just like this one in the playground with David and even our own daughter who looks out for her brothers with the care of a mother already at just four years old.

Our other son, David, is in a specialist ASD unit attached to a mainstream school. We don't know how Anthony or David will develop or how/if they will be able to live, work and operate in society in the future. One thing is for sure, in these two little girls I saw the kind of care and respect that will only help our sons in that endeavour.