Siblings, lies and untruths

"That's a lie."

"No, it's not."

I can not even hazard a guess at how many times I've heard this exchange in our house over the last few weeks. Part of this is due to Anthony, our eight year old autistic son who has never told me a lie in his life.  Never.  And he also has difficulty in understanding when someone is lying, and someone is playing or joking around.

This doesn't mean he has never done anything wrong. Anthony will admit when he has been naughty. The best he will do to avoid blame is not say anything.  But usually, he will offer up his guilt upon the first request of 'what happened here' and will even explain if he did it on purpose or if the event was actually an accident. He has always been literal and taken what he is told and sees as fact, which has proved difficult at times.  I don't know when we will decide to tell him the reality of the tooth fairy.

His younger sister Jane, is also very keen on the tooth fairy, despite not having yet lost a tooth. She has just turned four and to her the tooth fairy is also very real and she is looking forward to losing her first tooth for the chance to get a coin under her pillow.

But then Jane is very imaginative and this is where things can be difficult.

"I'm the tooth fairy."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Jane you are telling a lie."

"No, I'm not..."

Then ensues the latest argument of the day, which was is almost exactly the same as the last one.

Because the truth is that not stating fact or reality is not the same as being deceitful.  And it's this difference we are trying to highlight. Jane is not being deceitful, she is pretending.  She is not trying to be naughty by not telling the truth, but yes it is an untruth.

If I can catch the conversation in between "I'm the the tooth fairy," and "No, you're not," then there's a chance I can avoid a screaming match.   The last one was about what words were in a Disney song and they were actually both singing the same song, just different parts of it.

Anthony is nearly nine years old and Jane has just turned four.  But in many ways, they are not far apart on their understanding of truth and deceit. The first little fib Jane told caught be by complete surprise as Anthony could only be described as a terribly truthful child. It's been a bit of a battle since for them both.

On the other hand, it's at least great to see them interacting.  David is the middle sibling, he's still mostly preverbal and his play is very solitary sometimes in comparison. But perhaps this arguing is just a more common part of being siblings too.  Despite the arguments they look out for each other in a way only siblings can maybe.  Hopefully then, Jane can learn a little more about truth and Anthony about imaginative play from their encounters.  That could work and give my constant diplomacy skills a little rest too.