David wasn't in last year's Christmas show. I didn't think twice about it. This year I got a call to say, he could be in the Christmas sing along. I'd like to say it went well. But all I can say right now is I'm watching tears drip into my Costa coffee.
David is in a specialist autism unit attached to a regular school. This means most days he spends most of school learning in his unit and then some small part of the day, usually in the afternoon, being included in his mainstream class. This year this has coincided with the mainstream Christmas show rehearsals and he was joining in. This post has been updated, read this post here--->
Much love.xxx
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you felt lovely. If there had been no concert, then fine, or a concert but for you to know that David wasn't going to take part that day, fine, but to turn up to a concert for him and for him not to be there must have been unsettling. The way that you describe there not being anything there in that room for you - I can totally relate to and it would have made me feel sad too. I hope that all went well the next day and that you both enjoyed it. Thank you for linking with #DreamTeam x
ReplyDeleteOh darling :( I would be the same, it's not wonder you are upset by it. Lots of love and thanks for linking up #bestandworst
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to wonder why you were upset. I think most any mama would understand you and your feelings right off the bat after reading your description of the events leading up to the Christmas show.
ReplyDeleteAlthough every child is different and I do not have personal experience with autism, I can relate to that feeling of being let down.
I have 4 year old twins, a boy and a girl. My daughter has this extreme self-consciousness now where she hates the idea of a group of people looking at her.
For Thanksgiving, her class practiced tirelessly a special "pow-wow" routine complete with Indian headdresses, handmade drums, faceprint, songs, the works. We talked about how this would go in advance and she decided that she did want me to go.
When the performance rolled around, she was the only one who "processed" into the room and beelined for her mom as soon as she laid eyes on me. Despite her teachers' gentle pushes for her to rejoin the class, she declined and stayed in my lap watching her classmates for the entire performance. She looked miserable and I felt miserable for her.
I felt a tug inside and wondered why at the time. But looking back, I think I wanted her to be able to throw herself into an experience like that and enjoy it like the rest of her classmates. I hate seeing how the elements of discomfort and shyness color how she lives her life as it did for me for so many years.
I've since resolved to talk through these situations in advance even more than I already have and try not to project my own feelings onto her. With that and changing MY expectations of what will likely happen in different scenarios, hopefully she can begin to become more comfortable in her own skin.
Thank you for sharing your story. xxx #DreamTeam
Thanks so much for sharing. They really do tug at our hearts don't they!
Delete