What I found in my autistic son's bag

Another term over, another term of the oddest looking artwork and shortest stories arrive at our house. I'm sure for many parents and guardians looking through the plethora of items sent home at the end of the school term is an absolute delight.

The early works of future artists, writers, engineers, scientists etc are celebrated and catalogued for future generations. The best pieces make their way to the fridge or are framed for all to see.  But it's not quite the same in our house.

I'm not sure but I can't be the only mum that gets a few weeks into the holiday before she starts ploughing through, what in our case is more like, a menagerie of work and projects.   It's bittersweet.  Each year we see some sparks of improvement in Anthony's work.  He is going into Year 4 in September but his writing in some projects looks like it did in reception - terrible. He's obviously followed instructions to do the artwork (and we are really proud of this) but it's often unrecognisable. 

As Anthony has difficulty in school, he has a teaching assistant help him all day, everyday.  Sometimes they help him complete work - and it's pretty obvious when it happens. There is the 'example' and then what Anthony has managed to produce. We are always extremely proud of his efforts and in the same way we send out the worst set of Christmas cards designed by our kids every year, we'll have Anthony's pride and joy on the fridge.

Sometimes there is an accidental item in there.  We've got a piece of Romany's work or Jacob's work.  And that's what I thought had happened when I picked out the image above. The writing is too small, too neat and too close to the line.  There some capital letters in the rights places and is that an exclamation mark?

For those that don't know, although our eldest son Anthony goes to a regular (mainstream) school, he has had a diagnosis of autism since he was four years old.  Though the terminology of the 'triad of impairments' that make up an autism diagnosis has changed a little in the years since, it still fits that Anthony, now eight years old, has difficulty with his language and his social interaction.

He can talk obsessively about topics such as the Formula 1 Grand Prix, whether you are interested or not with no idea that you aren't interested.

He can have difficulty with language and understanding how to use it.

He'll tell the truth even if it's not something you want to hear.

He scripts, reeling of lists.  

He really doesn't register that he talks very loudly.

He has very little understanding of personal space.

This is a small sample, the list could go on and on.  Anthony hasn't been invited to many birthday parties since his first year at school, and we often still make our excuses as the events are a bit stressful for him.  I can count the number of playdates we've had on a single hand and as I said he has been as school for approaching five years. Part of it is the difficulty in organising it when there are other kids involved and you can't just leave him somewhere without support.

When we pick him up from school he is excited to say goodbye to his 'friends' but he still declares his best friend to be his dad (which I secretly love but hope one day he is not.. before maybe being again).  Lately he has asked if he could have other friends to play... and I have approached this possibility with the same slightly excited logical outlook for most things with the kids.  What would work for us, which of the parents and kids we know it might it work for too.  It's a very small list to be honest, but my latest find makes me wonder if I've been underestimating my son.

In amongst the cave paintings and rainforest collages this year I found this absolute gem that brought a tear to my eye.  My find is an outline of a person.  'Anthony' is written in plain fine letters across it's torso and multi-coloured writing surrounds it's body.

The multi-coloured writing is from his classmates and is a loving list of things Anthony is good at, (replicated exactly as written):

you are a good football player.
a good learner (thank you teacher)
a good runner

Then it gets better:

always very happy
Friendly and funny
a nice person to play with
very kind and friendly
Fun and really friendly! :-)
you will let other people play
very friendly
A nice person to play whith

Then the joy:

is very kind friend - best frind
a great friend
A fab friend
A good friend *
A lovely friend
The best friend ever!!*

And my absolute favourite:

When I ask to play with him he says yes :-)

It's not all about writing, maths, arts etc and we may understand this more than some other parents. Look at what he finds difficult and then look at what his classmates his friends, say about him. In the last week we went to a playground where he also found some friends to play with. It's so lovely to see.  So this year on the fridge we have the beautiful painted...

"Anthony this is beautiful, can you describe it to me?"
"I've forgotten what it is supposed to be"

"It's lovely, I really like it, shall we put it up."
"Oh yes,"

...and I'm jumped on as he shows his excitement but 'I still don't know what it is' picture.  And next to it along with some others, is this rather plain outline drawing that reminds my son of his friends and reminds me of how far he really has come.